Question & Answer

I realize that there is a natural curiosity and a few questions surrounding our adoption plans... especially to those of you who just read the news in our Christmas letter.  A couple of weeks ago, I "opened the floor" to questions on Facebook and now I will attempt to answer them, as well as a few I have gotten in person.

Q: Are you adopting domestically or internationally?
A: The honest answer is that we don't really know yet.  For years, for a variety of reasons, have had international adoption in mind.  I still feel like God is leading us in that direction but Brandon has earnestly stated that he is not willing to rule out any possibilities at this point.  So... for now we are remaining open to both possibilities and we will be pursuing an agency that works both domestically and internationally.

Q: When are you beginning the process?
A: Well, the sad fact is that adoption costs a lot of money.  Unfortunately, there are many families that can afford the cost of supporting another child but are dissuaded from adoption because of the high up-front costs.  We will be saving funds and trying to raise them, as well, in the next six months.  We hope to have enough to file a formal application with an agency and begin our home study process by the middle of next year.  For right now, we are praying and researching agencies.

Q: How long does the process take?
A:  Every family wanting to adopt needs to complete a home study.  These typically take 3-6 months.  After that, we really have no way of knowing how long it will be until we receive a referral (telling you that you have a child) or placement (when you actually take the child home) because we have not determined yet what country from which we will be adopting.  The times vary drastically between countries.

Q:  What age child are you looking to adopt?
A:  We feel led to adopt in birth order, which means we will adopt a child younger than Roman.  Other than that, we are open to age.

Q:  Are you willing to adopt a child with a disability?
A:  Yes.  We are specifically wanting to adopt a child with a medical need.  We have some physical challenges already with Addison, so are realistic in what we feel we can handle but are definitely looking at the "waiting child list."  What this means is that, after we complete our home study, our agency will present us with options of children that are deemed more challenging to place for any variety of reasons.  Some of these children have major medical issues, but some are on the list only because they are older, part of a sibling group, or have an medical issue that is easily dealt with such as club feet, cleft lip/palate, missing digits, etc.  Some are one the list simply because they are boys.  Boys are typically harder to place than girls in many countries.  We are specifically seeking to adopt a toddler boy with a mild medical need.

Q:  Are you adopting a boy or a girl?
A:  As in the question above, we are going into the process with the anticipation of adopting a boy but are open to God's plan.  We are not saying "no" to anything at this point.

Q:  How much does adoption cost?
A:  Since we are adopting from the waiting child list, we still do not know what country our child will be from.  Costs vary greatly depending on the country.  However, usually costs are slightly lower than average when you adopt a waiting child due to the availability of grants and the country of origin being more willing to work with adoptive parents (cost-wise) to make it more affordable and place children in homes where they will have care.  We are anticipating our total costs to be between $20,000 and $40,000.

Q:  How do you plan on paying for it?
A:  I think this question is a little (lot) rude, but I have received it many times.  We plan to pay for it through grants, personal savings, tax credits, and fundraising.  If necessary, there are also many organizations that offer interest free loans but we would like to finance less than $10,000, since the tax credit would cover that.  We would only want a loan that we could pay off after filing our income tax return and no more.

That's not my favorite question, but I don't mind answering because many people who ask genuinely want to know and want to help.  Here are the questions I DON'T like getting:

Q:  Don't you think you have enough kids?  Don't you think it's unfair to your biological children to bring another child into your family?  Why would you want a child that is a different race?  How can you really be sure that God is telling you to do this? Most children who are adopted are unstable... what if he grows up to murder your family in your sleep?!?!?
A:  These questions are so offensive and ridiculous that I refuse to answer them specifically.  Our children are as excited, if not more, that they will be getting a new sibling.   They are already praying for him/her and that is a far as I am willing to elaborate. They understand the concept of adoption very well as many of their friends are adopted/have adopted siblings. However, it is very difficult for them to understand the wait involved.

Here are my thoughts on these questions:
If you have the time and energy to concern yourself with whether Brandon and I have the financial/mental/physical/emotional ability to parent another child (are we doing a horrible job with the other 3 that would make you question?), then I would say that you are blessed.  You are blessed that your life situation is such that the most concerning issue you can come up with is our adoption plans.  You are not consumed by watching your child die of a preventable disease because you do not have access to life-saving medicine.  You do not have to worry about your wife or children being abducted by extremists when they leave your house.  You don't lose sleep over whether or not you will be tortured or murdered for your religious beliefs.  Millions of people in the world face this type of survival every. single. day.  I would say that I am happy that you are not one of them.

I will leave you with two things.  The first is a quote from my friend, Rebekah, regarding our plans.  The second is a video shared from my friend, Kryste....

"There are so many children in the world without parents and I can't imagine any greater service one human can do for another than to give them love and a family to call their own. I'm sure it won't be easy (or cheap) but I am equally sure that this choice will come with a multitude of blessings --- many of which you can't even imagine now. ...and for what it's worth, my brother has 7 kids --- a blend of wholes, halves and steps. I can't imagine his family with even one child less...God will show you to the child who was born to be yours, even if he or she wasn't born yours." 

If you *really* want to know why we are adopting, take 8 minutes of your life and watch this: